| 10th -- Samantha Wildman gets jealous because Torres is getting more attention than her now; so she stabs the baby. (Torres now gets even more attention because of the trauma she’s been forced to live through.)
9th -- Paris takes the baby to Sandrines’ one night and sits it on the pool table while drinking a whiskey or three. Cause of death is determined as ‘multiple blows to the head with the cue ball’.
8th -- The Doctor tells the baby all about Kes, and it gets ideas. It transforms into a being of energy and flies off.
7th -- Neelix notices the baby cries a lot and feeds it a bowl of leola root broth to make it better. Cause of death is determined as ‘food poisoning’.
6th -- As part of a research project on how babies actually think, Tuvok performs a mindmeld on it. Cause of death is determined as ‘logic overload’.
5th -- The baby rewires the replicators and is used as the raw matter for a pot of coffee. Cause of death is determined as ‘being drunk’. (Torres is put on report for telling the captain ‘You bitch! You drank Kenny!’ Janeway drinks more coffee.)
4th -- Kim plays lullabies on his clarinet to get the baby to sleep. Cause of death is determined as ‘severe emotional trauma’.
3rd -- The baby becomes a bit too… friendly with the warp core. The resulting explosion takes all of the time between this and the next episode to be cleaned up.
2nd -- Seven of Nine offers to give Torres a break from breastfeeding. Cause of death is determined as ‘suffocation’.
And the top way to get rid of Torres’ baby… Chakotay introduces the baby to its spirit guide. Cause of death is determined as ‘loss of several limbs, including the head’. Some suspicious-looking dingo tooth marks are found.
See, Paramount? It’s not hard! Try it; you’ll see. |
