*Become a part of it,* Millis told her. *Let yourself relax, fall into it, and melt among its atoms. Do you feel it?*

*It’s all around me… inside me… Yes. Yes, I feel it!*

*This is just the beginning… You’ll see…*

Conversation stopped as they each lost themselves in the large rocks orbiting the planet. Everything seemed to overlap her consciousness, not only the rock but also the vacuum beyond it, the stars beyond that, the subtle threads of the universe itself, its entire fabric wrapping around her, as she gasped with the Knowledge that flooded through her.

And every rock was different. Every stone, every particle of dust was new. And that was only one planet’s rings. The other Ocampa showed her some of the most frequented sights, and on occasion she ventured alone to some of the least visited places.

Then - after how many weeks? - she caught sight of the ship. Not that it disturbed her. She was far beyond that corporeal existence now, beyond life and death. But the memory of the days she had spent there did bring a brief touch of melancholy to her thoughts.

*Why are you watching them?* Millis asked her. *They don’t concern us anymore.*

She agreed. *I was just remembering,* she said, turning away.

*Come with me. I’ll show you the most beautiful golds you’ve ever seen.*

She Knew the heart of the stars, the tail of the comets, the dance of the silently hectic ‘vacuum’ of space. She Knew the core of the planets, their crusts, their atmosphere and their life. There were so many new things to see, and so many old things to learn to recognise in different ways.

Then - after how many months? - she caught sight of the charred and blackened stem of a flower. She had just Known it. The exotic smell had intoxicated her; she had tasted its sweetness; seen its incredible colours; touched its shivering petals; heard its cells sing. Or had the cry been her own as her mind’s fire grew to engulf them both?

Now it was dead, its life drained for her momentary desire. She drew back in horror and cast her eyes back along the trail she had followed to that place.

The grass was browning; the air dusty; the rocks growing still. The comet had dwindled, the star cooled, and the planet’s rings were slowly spiralling inwards to fall into its atmosphere. Only the almost-emptiness of space was unchanged.

She fled after the speck in the distance that was Voyager.

=/\=

Tuvok lit the candle in his window and watched it swell and grow. As the light settled, so did his thoughts, and his mind became calm.

So calm that when the flame suddenly doubled in size and heat, he was not at all surprised, but simply watched the wax melt down the side of the candle and recalculated how long the wick would last.

*Tuvok!*

*Kes. I greet thee.*

*Tuvok, I want to come back, I’m so unhappy!*

He listened as she told him of what had happened, his gaze all the while fastened on the candle. By the time she finished speaking, she too had latched on to its steadying influence.

There was a moment’s silence, then he said, *Kes, do you remember leaving the caves where you spent your childhood?*

*Of course I do. I saw the sun. I saw… I saw everything. And then meeting Neelix, and joining Voyager… It was the most wonderful experience. I thought this would be the same, but-- Tuvok, they’re all like Tannis was. All of them. And I was just the same as them!*

*But you stopped,* he reminded her. *Kes, where did you meet Neelix?*

There was a pause. *With the Kazon Ogla. They captured me just a few days after I came to the surface. He saw me when he went to trade with them.*

*When you were with them, before he came, did you not wish to return to the caves?*

For a long time she did not answer, and it finally came so faintly that Tuvok could barely hear. *Yes.*

He said nothing, waiting for her to finish thinking.

*It is different, Tuvok. Who can rescue me now? Even if there is someone else out there… I don’t need to be rescued from the Ocampa, I need to be rescued from myself.*

*There is a certain… fascination involved in death,* he admitted.

*I need you to help me, Tuvok.*

*I do not know how.*

She was silent for a moment. *I’m sorry.*

*I am always willing to speak with you, Kes.*

In front of him, the candle flickered out. He took up another match and carefully held it to the wick until the flame took again, then resumed his meditation.

=/\=

She wandered through the vacuum of space, ignoring the formation and annihilation of the minute particles around her. She did not see the glowing colours of the nebula she passed, nor the fire-fall from the smaller star of a binary system.

*Why did you go there?* Millis asked her.

*I wanted to talk to my friend.*

*Your _friend_? On the ship?*

She gave Millis a ‘Look’. *Didn’t you have any friends on the array?* she asked, then turned her attention elsewhere.

She was at a planet, looking at the stump of a tree that had been hit by lightening. Around it grew new grass, but the stump was charred black, just as had been the flower she had Known earlier. Dead.

Millis intruded again. *Of course I did. But that’s behind us now.*

*Why?* Kes demanded. *Why? They’re not less intelligent. They only see differently. Why is that so bad? It’s probably better.*

*You’re crazy.*

*Maybe.* The stump was as silent as a rock. If she looked closer she would be able to Know what was left of it, but if she looked closer… *I don’t want to kill everything I love, everything I Know. It’s not right.*

*What’s not right? What’s wrong with killing? There’s no difference between taking life and giving it.*

*So kill me.*

*Kes!*

*There is a difference, isn’t there? If there wasn’t a difference we would give life just as often as taking it.* She gently touched the outside layer of charcoal on the tree stump. *Why don’t we give life?*

Millis moved towards her, alarmed. *What are you doing?*

Kes ignored her, and slid farther into the charred stump. It smelled acrid, and she remembered the incense-like smell of leaves; thought of the taste of strong sap running through every limb; of shadows behind sun-lit twigs; of the feeling of cracked outer back; the song of wind in rustling leaves, unless it was her sigh as she floated, exhausted, above the growing tree.

*Kes, are you alright?*

*I’m fine,* she whispered. *The tree… Is it…?*

*It’s alive.* Millis paused for a moment, then added quietly, *It’s beautiful.*

=/\=

Tuvok dreamed of a perfect orchid. As he was admiring its petals, a butterfly came and alighted in its very centre. "I made it for you," it told him. "Is that the right way?"

"Yes," he said. When he woke up later he wondered briefly why he had been so definite about a question of morality when he had so few available facts. "It is beautiful."

"I hoped you would like it," the butterfly said. "Will you tell the captain - and the others - that I am happy?"

"Certainly. She will be glad to know."

"Thank you." Its antennae seemed to raise in a V-shape. "Live long and prosper."

He raised his own hand in the Vulcan salute. "Peace and long life," he said, and watched as the butterfly fluttered its wings and flew into an azure sky.