| One day on Voyager, Tom Paris was really bored. He’d been driving the ship for three and a half hours and nothing had happened. The rest of the bridge crew were beginning to doze off, but poor little Tom Paris had to watch his console.
//Hmm,// thought Tom Paris. //I wonder what I can do now.//
So he thought and he thought, until his twisted little mind came up with a plan.
"Help, help," he cried. "There’s a Borg ship off our port bow!"
The bridge crew woke with a start.
"Huh? Wha? Borg? Where?" the Captain yelped.
Tom Paris hadn’t thought this far yet. "Um, well, er, I… outmanoeuvred them," he said. "They’re gone now."
"Oh, wow, Tom, you’re so brave," Kes enthused. "Wanna have dinner with me tonight?"
//Yes!// Tom Paris thought to himself. "Sure, Kes," he said.
=/\=
Around the same time the next day Tom Paris was bored again. //I wonder if they’ll fall for it a second time?// he wondered.
"Help, help," he cried. "There’s a borg ship off our port bow!"
The bridge crew woke with a start.
"Huh? Wha? Borg? Again?" the Captain yelped. "Quick, outmanoeuvre them!"
"Okey dokey," said Tom Paris, and drew ‘Borg suck’ with their ion trail.
Harry picked himself up off the floor and looked at his console. "I’m not reading any borg ships," he said. "You did it again, Tom."
"What a guy," B’Elanna whispered to Harry. "Say, Tom, wanna have dinner with me tonight?"
//Thank you, God,// Tom Paris thought to himself. "Sure, B’Elanna," he said.
=/\=
The next day Tom Paris was very excited. //Maybe if I do it again, I’ll get to have dinner with the *Captain*,// he thought happily.
As everyone began to doze off, he was about to put his plan into action when he saw a light flashing on his console.
"Aaargh! Help, help," he cried. "There’s a Borg ship off our port bow!"
The bridge crew woke with a start.
"Huh? Wha? Borg? *Again*?!" the Captain yelped. "Oh. Well, you can outmanoeuvre them." And she went back to sleep.
//Uh oh,// Tom Paris thought, and ran to the first officer. "Chakotay, Chakotay," he cried. "There’s a borg ship off our port bow!"
The first officer opened one eye. "So outmanoeuvre it," he said. And he went back to sleep.
//This is *not* good,// Tom Paris thought, and ran to Harry. "Harry, Harry, Harry," he cried. "There’s a borg ship off our port bow!"
Harry lifted a corner of his sleeping mask. "Okay, you’re a wonderful pilot," he said. "Now go outmanoeuvre the cube, will ya?" And he went back to sleep.
//Oh dear,// Tom Paris thought. //Well, maybe I *should* try to outmanoeuvre it.//
But he had barely spelt ‘Oops’ with their ion trail when the borg blew up Voyager.
=/\=
Moral of the story: Never tell the same lie twice.
Zeborah’s addition: At least, not to stupid Voyager crewmen gullible enough to believe you… |
