Paris leaned on his cue and looked casual. "You know, Captain, this is getting rather boring. Why don’t we make things interesting?"

"Mr Paris," Janeway drawled. "Do bear in mind who you’re talking to."

"Captain, surely you’re not suggesting-- I’ve always been the model of a perfect officer. I’m shocked. Shocked and dismayed. I was just thinking we could even up the odds a little."

"And all the time I thought you enjoyed losing to me… What did you have in mind?"

Paris grinned. "Shuttles."

"I’m not sure this is something I really want to hear."

"Shuttles and asteroids," he elaborated. "There’s a belt outside, and we can use the phasers on the shuttles to evaporate one side of the asteroid and send it shooting off into a pocket."

Janeway leaned on her cue. "The idea does have a certain… appeal," she admitted.

"I thought that was me."

She didn’t even dignify that with a response. "However, we’re short enough of shuttles as it is."

Paris shrugged. "So don’t tell Chakotay we’re playing." At her look he added, "The fewer who play, the less dangerous it’ll be, right, Captain?"

"What would we use for pockets?"

"Black holes?"

"They’re a little hard to supply on demand, Lieutenant."

"We could use the holodeck, I suppose, Captain… It wouldn’t take me too long to program in…"

"Mr Paris, I don’t claim to be an expert on holodeck systems, not by a long shot, but it seems to me that a program like that would take awhile to program, even for you. How long have you been planning this?"

"Captain, surely you’re not suggesting--"

"Can it, Tom," Janeway interrupted. "Just run the program."

Paris grinned in triumph. "Computer, save and close Sandrines, then run program Paris-three-Delta."

The lighted hologrid showed only for a moment, then the two were in shuttles on the edge of a rather oddly-shaped asteroid cluster. Six black holes - at least, Janeway assumed they were black holes, but they were actually a swirling greenish colour - were arranged in formation around the edges.

Her comm line fizzled, then cleared. "You want to break, Captain? Cue-ball’s the magnetite-ore asteroid. The shuttle tractors have been reversed, so just give it a nudge."

Janeway looked dubiously at the console. Paris had altered the configuration, sneaky bastard - he’d probably been practising on the new setup for weeks. She located a control that looked vaguely like the one she was after and pressed it.

There was a distinctive yelp over the commline. "Tractor beam, I said, not phasers!"

Janeway grinned. "Sorry, Tom; thought I had the right control. Let me try that again…" She searched for and found the thrusters, then moved the shuttle to a better angle and gave the cue-’roid a shove.

The asteroids scattered, several shooting near black holes but none going in. One teetered on the edge of an event horizon and it was this one Paris seemed to be aiming for, sluggishly.

"Thanks for the set-up, Captain," he said. "Almost makes up for what your phasers did to my thrusters."

"Which almost made up for what you did to the console configuration," she returned. "Feel free to forfeit the game if you don’t think you can handle it, Lieutenant."

"Not a chance. I’m going to win this one, Captain." To prove it, a blue beam lanced out from his shuttle and pushed the asteroid neatly into the hole on the corner. "Stripes are mine."

"What stripes?" Janeway studied her sensor readings. "Oh, I see; different ores for solids and stripes. You know, if you really want to make this interesting…"

"Yes?" Paris asked warily.

"We can try and disable each other’s shuttlecraft as we play. I don’t think even you could pocket one of those asteroids without tractors."

"A man can always try, can’t he? But… something like this, you think?"

Already expecting it, Janeway tipped her shuttle into a nose-dive, narrowly avoiding his phaser-fire. "Yes, something like that. Only you’re supposed to hit me."

Paris muttered something inaudible and jetted back to the shot he’d been setting up. Just as he activated the tractor beam she fired a photon torpedo right into the beam’s path, knocking the asteroid off course.

"Show off," he muttered, and launched a torpedo of his own at her. She intercepted it easily and scooted round the table area looking for a good shot.

"Not playing your best today, Mr Paris?"

He launched another torpedo on a swift arc, right over the asteroids to strike one of her thrusters. "I thought I was winning, actually, Captain."

"Don’t count your chickens…" Janeway adjusted the thrusters to compensate for the damage and ‘holed’ two asteroids. As she continued round the field for another shot, Paris’ shuttle dove right through it, phasers pounding her shields.

"Playing rather aggressively, aren’t you, Lieuten--"

The commline fizzed and snapped off mid-word and Paris slowed his shuttle. "Captain, are you alright? Captain?" He fiddled with the frequency, trying to reestablish the link, when suddenly her shuttle roared back to life and blasted him with phaser-fire.

Heavily damaged, he retreated back into the asteroid field as the commline switched back on. "Of course I’m alright, Tom; the safeties are on, remember?"

"That was a dirty trick, Captain," he informed her, studying his readouts. "Are you going to shoot or what?"

"I just did," Janeway said. "Ah, there." She nudged an asteroid with her tractor beam and sent it gently spinning into orbit around a corner hole. "What the-- Mr Paris, what have you done to the laws of physics?"

"Nothing, Captain. Well, okay, I had to change them a little so the holes wouldn’t attract every asteroid in the field before we’d even started, but--" Paris’ shuttle darted across the space between two asteroids, launching a couple of torpedos as it flew.

Janeway dodged the first torpedo but manoeuvred straight into the path of the second one, which completely disabled her thrusters. "Damn, that’s bad, isn’t it?"

"What?"

"Nothing." She hit her tractor controls instead and holed the orbiting asteroid.

"Hey, Captain, it was my shot!"

"You snooze, you lose, Lieutenant. We’ll count it as a penalty shot for messing with the physics."

"But-- Oh, all right. This just gets less and less like pool the more you change the rules."

"Come on, Tom, there’s only one reason you play pool," Janeway said.

"Why’s that, Captain?"

"People with long sticks trying to get their balls into furry holes? Tom, it’s the only way you can get your balls *anywhere*."

Paris laughed. "You seem to have a fairly good grip on that stick yourself, Captain. It’s always amused me watching you running your hands along the cue, caressing its shaft…"

"Funny," she retorted, "I’ve always preferred racking up the balls."

He winced slightly. "Let’s just play poker…"

"Like I said before, feel free to forfeit the game if you don’t think you can handle it."

Paris smirked. "I’ll consider it, Captain. If you can think of a better place for me to put my balls."

"There’s always waste disposal," Janeway said dryly. "Weren’t you insisting that it was your shot?"

"Oh, probably." He darted between several asteroids and finally holed one in a side black hole. "Hey, Captain, what’s green and red and goes round and round?"

"This is another of your twentieth century jokes that don’t work anymore, isn’t it?"

"Yeah. A frog in a waste disposal unit."

"But waste disposals don’t go round and round…"

"They did then. What’s blue and red and goes round and round?"

"A Bolian frog in a waste disposal unit?"

"Same frog a week later."

"Ouch."

"I know. Why did the koala fall out of the gum tree?"

Janeway closed her eyes then quickly opened them again and checked her sensor readings. Paris’ shuttle wasn’t too close, so she said, "Not the koala joke, Tom. *Anything*, except the koala joke."

Paris grinned. "Okay… But who told you the koala joke? I was waiting for just the right moment--"

"Come, Mr Paris, you don’t expect me to reveal my sources, do you?"

"I guess not. Okay then, I bet you haven’t heard this one. An eagle had just got divorced, and--"

"Eagles don’t get divorced. Are you going to shoot?"

"Yeah… Alright then, a K’reeni. He--"

"It."

"*He* was quite depressed, so he decided to go flying."

"After all, it’s not as if K’reen don’t spend all their time flying anyway," Janeway added. "Tom, if you don’t shoot, I’ll shoot you."

"Sorry." Paris aimed at an asteroid carefully, then activated his tractor beam. The ‘roid rolled towards the side, then kept going. "Oops," he said after a moment. "No cushions. So, this eagle--"

"K’reeni."

"--was flying around, quite depressed. Then he saw a little dove on the ground, so he flew down and… let the dove cheer him up. As he flew away, the dove said: ‘I am a little dove, and I’ve had a little love, and I liked it.’" He frowned slightly. "How do we get that ‘roid back?"

"Wait until it’s your shot again then go after it. I take it that that isn’t the entire joke?"

"No. The eagle--"

"K’reeni."

"Captain--"

"Yes?"

"Do you want to hear this joke or-- Don’t answer that. The eagle got depressed again pretty quickly, so when he saw a blue-tit on the ground nearby he flew down and… let the blue-tit cheer him up. As he flew away, the blue-tit said: ‘I am a little tit, and I’ve had a little bit, and I liked it.’ Your shot, by the way."

"Gosh," Janeway said dryly. "I hadn’t noticed." But she rotated her shuttle and holed an asteroid.

"I’d accuse you of cheating but that would be redundant."

"Cheating? It would, rather."

"…So, the eagle--"

"K’reeni."

"--was happy for a little while, but then he got depressed again. He saw a duck on the ground, so he flew down and… let the duck cheer him up. As he flew away, the duck said--"

"Mr Paris--"

"Yes, Captain?"

"Just be sure to remember that that *is* who you’re talking to."

"Yes, Captain. --And the duck said: ‘I am a little drake, and he’s made a big mistake, but I liked it.’"

Janeway almost closed her eyes again, but instead darted a suspicious look at her console. "That’s sick."

"Yes, Captain."

"Tell me you didn’t make that up yourself."

"Yes, Captain."

She launched a torpedo impatiently. It didn’t hit Paris’ shuttle, but it made her point.

"Sorry, Captain," Paris said with a smile. "No, I didn’t. Are you going to let me have a shot or does that asteroid float out there for a few more hours?"

"It won’t take me that long to win the game." Janeway holed a couple of asteroids to prove it, then tried for an odd angle and missed.

"Thanks." Paris nudged one then cursed quietly as it knocked one of Janeway’s in on its way.

"Thanks yourself. The ferrous ‘roid’s the 8-ball, is it?"

"No?"

"Stupid question." She slammed on the phasers as she saw his shuttle swiftly approaching. It swerved but couldn’t get out of the way and span out of control towards the black hole on the far side.

The program phased out as the shuttle was destroyed and Janeway laughed. "I think you’re dead."

Paris grinned as he got up. "But I regularly survive falling into black holes… What?"

Janeway stopped snickering and tried to look innocent. "What?"

"You were snickering."

"No I wasn’t…" She kept a straight face for about two more seconds then doubled over laughing.

Paris let out a frustrated breath. "*What*?"

"I was just thinking," Janeway gasped out between laughs, "that you finally--" She shook her head and tried to calm down. "It’s stupid. It’s immature."

"And we’re completely mature adults," Paris said drly. "Aw, c’mon, Captain, tell me."

"Just… You finally got your stick into that furry hole," Janeway said in a breath then cracked up again.

Paris grinned then couldn’t help but join in her laughter. It was infectious. They stumbled about laughing for a couple of minutes, colliding in the way only hysterical people can.

Paris caught Janeway as she stumbled, then his breath. Janeway was still for a moment then shifted around in his arms, the light from the hologrid glinting off her coppery hair.

"Tom?" she whispered breathlessly.

Paris searched her eyes, heart still pounding. "Yes, Captain?"

"Call me--" She whirled as the doors opened.

Paris clasped his hands behind his back. "Hello, Commander."

"Lieutenant." Chakotay nodded pleasantly then turned to Janeway. "Captain, I was just passing and I remembered you wanted to go over those reports."

"Of course, Commander." She tucked a wisp of hair back into place. "Perhaps we can play again some other time, Mr Paris," she added, then strode out the door without a backward glance.

Paris stared after them briefly then closed his eyes as the door closed and leaned against the wall. "Computer…"

After a moment the computer bleeped. "Please state request."

"Nothing. Forget it." Forget it.