| It’s a stormy, overcast day at the TSU campus, so few people are outside to see the odd spectacle of four alienesque lizards skittering towards the daycare centre. Following the small creatures is a… cat-shaped patch of no-rain, camouflaged and unseen by the few who are outside in this weather. Threats and insults fly through the air, startling the poor folk of the campus.
Sasscat: Get back here you little freaks! Your daddy was a HUMAN!! We’re not supposed to be here!!! Aw, I’m going to be in so much trouble…
The camouflaged cat-shape follows them into the centre and a small groan issues from its general location as it surveys the crowds of animated children.
Sasscat: How’m I supposed to find them in here? Next time Janeway can babysit her own damn kids.
A couple of legitimate students sit nearby, discussing exactly how far "all the way" means for Dax’ spots, not noticing the blush on a furry patch of wall. When they’re safely looking the other way, the furry patch on the wall hurries over to the little lizards, brushing against a little girl on the way.
Little girl: Something furry touched me!
The furry patch gives up and drops its camouflage, glaring at the lizards.
Little girl: Auntie Wildcat! I didn’t know you could turn in-vist-ible.
Sasscat: I’m not Wildcat. I’m Sasscat Bu-to-y, and I’m not here.
Little girl: But you look just like her…
Sasscat: No I don’t! I didn’t know her when I picked my name, okay? Look-
A little boy pokes one of the lizards, then wrinkles his nose. Next to him, a little… *something* giggles.
Little boy: You’re slimey!
Kth: <clicks><whistle><click><thlick><hissing click><hiss><whistle>
Sasscat: She says her name’s <click><thlick>. She says <hissing click><hiss> is the one that’s a slimeball.
Sls: <click><whistle><click><hissing click>
Sasscat: <Hissing click><hiss>! Watch your language! That’s no way for the daughter of Captain Janeway and Lieutenant Paris to speak!
Little girl: But Janeway loves Chakotay.
Little something: Yeah, it’s in ‘Chakotahontas’.
Sasscat: What?! What are they teaching you kids? Next you’ll be trying to tell me that Troi and-- Never mind.
Sasscat looks around for a moment to make sure she hasn’t been spotted yet, then decides it’s safe to continue. She adopts her ‘teaching position’ - lying with her tail curled around her so it can’t be pulled and both eyes wide open.
Sasscat: Kids, it’s time for a quick lesson in relationships. Now, listen carefully. Kathryn Janeway is the captain of the Voyager, right?
Little boy: Yes, but I like Seven of Nine better. She’s got big-
Sasscat: Yes, I’m sure she does. <clears throat> Are you all listening?
Children: Yes, Auntie Sasscat.
Sasscat starts to object to the name then shrugs. Just so long as they don’t tell anyone she was here, she thinks, then recites:
CARETAKER: Tom and Kathryn are a sight to see, Both with eyes as blue as can be. Kath rescues Tom because his are bluer, And he admits that he belongs to her.
THRESHOLD: Kath lets Tom take the first transwarp flight, Even though she usually wins whenever they fight. They break the warp threshold and have six kids, - Yes, <click><thlick>, that’s you. And live by a river, and fight with the squids.
INVESTIGATIONS: Tom’s been a jerk to the crew, yes he has, But he’s been pretending; he’s not really bad. He uncovers the spy and tells Kath to flee "I can take care of myself; don’t risk the ship for me." But Kath will not leave him, and Voyager stays, Though they’ll fight with the Kazon for days and for days. She begins to regret her decision before, When the Doc made them human, to show Tom the door.
RESOLUTIONS: Kath and Chakotay get bit by some bugs, And left on New Earth while away their ship chugs. Chakotay loves Kathryn and she plays along, Because she doesn’t think that she’ll get back to Tom. They act businesslike when they’re back on the ship, Because Kathryn has given Chakotay the big flick. Tom says while she was gone he had wished he was dead; Later that night Kath has Tom in her bed.
BASICS: Tom risks his life again for the ship, And with nary a Paris smart-alecky quip. He gets back the ship from Maje Cullah and Seska, And when Kathryn is rescued he asks her "Est-ce que You’re alright? When you stood on that scarplet, You didn’t know Seska was dead on your carpet." Kath reassured him in the pleasantest way, And then they made out pretty much all the day.
FOURTH SEASON: Kath doesn’t want people to know about Tom. She thinks it would affect them worse than a bomb, So when B’Elanna tells Tom that she loves him right true, Kath tells him to tell her that he loves her too.
He does this next episode and in Scientific Method, Since Kathryn is feeling a little bit weathered, He makes out with B’Elanna to fool all the crew But Kathryn was angry coz she was fooled, too.
Tom wants to make up-
Sasscat breaks off suddenly as she notices the lizards have run away again. The children are looking bored and several have wandered off to play with a duck on the other side of the room.
Sasscat: Ingrates. Oh, <click><hissing click>, where have those <whistle>ing lizards got to? This is ridiculous.
As she turns to look for them she sees another cat walking towards her, a frown firmly in place. She guesses, correctly, that this is Wildcat.
Wildcat: Excuse me, are you enrolled here? TSU, I mean, not the daycare centre.
Sasscat: Uh… Um… I came to apply for the daycare job?
A sudden commotion on the other side of the room catches Wildcat’s atention, and Sasscat quickly camouflages herself as a furry patch of wall, wondering if Wildcat will take her up on that job offer. She’d have an excuse not to babysit the lizards, then.
Little boy: Auntie Wildcat, look what the monkey’s doing to Susie!
Wildcat: PEANUTS! Get away from little Susie right now! Where’s Jen? Somebody help me here!…
The furry patch of wall sneaks outside. There must be a break in the clouds, because a ray of sunlight is shining down-- No, it’s a transporter beam, Sasscat realises. With a very unhappy Tom Paris look-alike inside.
Paris look-alike: Geez, Sasscat, all I asked was for you to babysit the kids for one evening. One evening for me to spend alone with Kathryn! Is that too much to ask?
Sasscat: Well, actually-
The lizards skitter out of the daycare centre, smeared with what looks suspiciously like blueberry jello, and surround their father with clicks and whistles of glee.
Sasscat: I’ll just be going now… |
